In Memory of Jason Johnson (1980 - 2000)

A Father's Anguish

Within these pages

A father's anguish

Another father's lesson

And I wear his Jacket

An Empty room containing things

Each with its own memory

To touch is to cry

Stay close

And I wear his jacket

No smirks, no jokes, no chores

No heated discussions

No Father and Son

Stay close

And I wear his jacket

Someday tomorrow will come

Stay close

And I wear his jacket

And I Wear His Jacket

An Empty room, cannot bear to touch

His stuff, the tears of 'means so much'

Smash the clock I cannot turn back

That badge, that model

And I wear his jacket

Each item part of nineteen years with

Each its own memory - now pain

No snickers, no meals, no chores

No heated discussions

No parts of Father and Son

And I wear his Jacket

Someday, tomorrow will come

And I wear his Jacket

C2000 L. Skip Johnson, Jay's Dad

Closure is a Simple Lie

Don't look for what is not there

For what can never come.

It is a word told to you by those,

Those who cannot walk in your shoes,

Those who have never known the sorrow.

You don't get over it.

You don't heal.

You don't move on.

There is forever a huge hole in you,

The edges may not be as razor sharp.

There will be some scarring.

It will be a wound that will easily open.

No, closure is a fraud,

foisted by well-meaning,

though seriously mistaken

ones who travel not

your unwanted journey.

C2002 L. Skip Johnson (Still Jay's Dad)

It is still too soon, a little over two years since Jason's death, for me to see life without the veil of grief. I trust my friends do understand. To anyone else, I don't care how you feel. Besides, knowing folks of many other nationalities, Americans are the worst when it comes to grieving. Clueless.

There Comes A Day

One morning you awaken ...

The dreams not as frequent, the visits do cease - they are seperate phenomena.

One could suppose that, or conjecture, or opine, or firmly believe, that a spirit sees you are now capable of continuing without their help.

You have come to grips with the hole, the gaping hole, that you have had to build a life, or some semblence of a life, around. You will hear it said that you get through the pain, live around the pain, still run from the pain, come to grips with the pain. Any glimpse of what some doctor or other trained professional will call healing is truly proper appearing, socially acceptable scarification.

It is true that the tears finally reduce their falling. They may be replaced with a silent weeping, a fundamental sadness of the cold hard reality that the remainder of your life here is without that loved one.

It is thought by some that, when your time does come, your soul is transported to where you believe. That said, hold on to your beliefs and that reward will come. As strong as is your love so is your highway home.

Accept you do not call the tune or the time ...

That is up to ...

May the Lord Bless you and keep you.

And I wear his jacket.

C2005 L. Skip Johnson, Jay's Dad

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